Why I Wear a Veil

This is my life, this is my reality, this is my truth. It is not how the world expect it to be: not aesthetically pleasing, not instagrammable, or pinterest-worthy. It was ugly, brutal, painful, and traumatic.

I had so many big plans for myself: get straight As in college, obtain a scholarship, go to med school, become a doctor, get married, and have a family.

Instead, my life was stirred into a different path, a rocky path: I was emotionally traumatized and manipulated in a relationship that I became an unfocused, heartbroken and depressed student whom after college ended up migrating to a foreign place, thousands of people hated and judged me, I found out I got cheated on by an almost perfect relationship, my dad whom i loved the most passed away, and i was left alone trying my best to survive physically, financially, mentally, and emotionally on my own in a place away from my family.

For years I was angry at God, questioning Him, asking Him over the things that had happened to me. I blamed God and I blamed myself for all of my brokenness and dissatisfaction in life. It was years of feeling like I was such a failure, years of self-hatred.

As I person, I was arrogant and proud so God humbled me. It took me years of hard wrestling with God. A wrestle that bruised and scarred me deeply. A wrestle that only God can win, but even if I was defeated, still He handed me that trophy of victory. People right now might see me as victorious but no, this was all of His doing. I was just His steward.

I realized that no matter how many times I try to take control of my life, God will always be the one in control. God’s redirection turned out to be a protection and a transformation. Even if my life isn’t how I designed it. It definitely turned out way better because It was designed by God. Even if it was not the way social media would want it to look like, I wouldn’t change a thing because I was transformed from the inside and it was worth more than anything. It was worth more than any fame, wealth, beauty, or success because through it, i found real love, peace, solace, and healing through Him.

When I was left with nothing, I realized that the only thing I have is Him. Even if so many times I turned away from God, He was still ready to accept me with arms wide open. He was there waiting for me at that exact same place where I left Him. He called me by my name and not by my past mistakes.

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But now, thus says the LORD,

who created you, Jacob, and formed you, Israel:

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name: you are mine.

Isaiah 43:1

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I had so much hate for myself that even my own name I hated it so much that I never wanted to say or use it. Only to find out later on that Mariella means “little Mary”, Mary the mother of Jesus, the name of the blessed woman who entrusted and surrendered her entire life to God no matter the uncertainties. Her “fiat” changed the world and gave us a savior. It gave me the urge to want to do the same even in my own “little” ways. This has led me to wear a veil. Wearing a veil is one of the least things I could do for the God who has done so much for me. I veiled not because I was worthy but because HE IS. I veiled not because I am a great person but because I have a great God. I veiled not because of my achievements in life but because of what God has done in my life. An act of surrender. A sign of my life-long wrestle with God and a beautiful defeat.

My life, I lay it down upon His hands. It led me to believe that my life was not an accident. That I was made for His own unique purpose. Jesus, I trust in You. I entrust all may pain, all my sorrows, and all my mourning to You. I know that I will always be safe in You.

I am writing this as a reminder for myself and for you, my friend, whoever you are, reading this. Whatever is happening in your life, it is not an accident but a reminder that God is there. At this moment, can I ask you to spare a moment and pray to Him? Maybe just start with talking to Him casually, like a friend. :)

Love and prayers,

Mari

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Products in the Photos

Veil- Mother of Perpetual Help (Gold Mantilla)

Necklace- Miraculous Medal (Gold Pendant)

all from Magnificat Veils, Melbourne Australia - Etsy Shop: www.etsy.com/au/shop/MagnificatVeils

Use Code: MARIELLA10 for a 10% discount!

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I am greatly humbled to be chosen as one of the brand ambassadors for Magnificat Veils!

Thank you and may God bless you more Anna and Raf!

ALL GLORY TO GOD

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