They Were as Well

“Why are you weeping? Whom do you seek?” — John 20:15

My faith has been terribly shaken.. I questioned Him so many times this past days and weeks. I was in this spiritual war on the holiest week of the year. I was in the middle of a desert.

My patience has been tested.. I became scared, paralyzed. I feel like i’m back to zero. I feel like i was back to the place I used to be mentally and spiritually and i keep on running away from what I know God wants me to be and what He wants me to do..

But I have been reminded that, they were as well.

I have been reminded that even the people who were the closest to Him were scared. One betrayed Him while others ran, hid, and denied Him. From being fishermen to “fishers of men”, out of shame and guilt they went back to their lives as a fishermen. THEY WERE AS WELL.

I cried so much for the past few days, feeling hopeless and filled with so much shame and guilt.

But despite the doubts, despite the uncertainties, despite the discomfort, He has still continued providing me grace. He healed me and provided me the peace that I needed and only Him can do that.

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“But he was pierced for our sins,

crushed for our iniquity.

He bore the punishment that makes us whole,

by his wounds we were healed”

— Isaiah 53:5

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And now He has risen.

And, this Easter is a reminder of a renewal of my broken covenant with Him.

He is not calling me to be perfect. He just wants me to be myself. He wants me to be my honest, naked self who has the ability to fall, fail and stumble but still continually strive to walk alongside Him. Whose face fall flat on the ground but continually reach out for His hands always extended to help me get up again. To always find my way back to Him whenever I get lost and don’t know which way to go.

A time of bloom after the drought... A spring after the fall.

With love,

Mari